pestering for a painting

I've been doing a lot of watercolours lately but must say I'm a bit concerned: I'm not doing anything that I would describe as a finished painting or even a study of one.  I seem to be in Doodle Land or even Half a Doodle Land or what you might call Practice Ville.

But then, on the other hands, could I be wrong?  I mean, is Practice Ville so bad?  And is Doodle Land the proper name for where I am?   I'm not sure.

It's like in Jules Verne's "Journey to the Centre of the Earth," where the compass flips.  North is south and south is north.  I'm not sure where I am, which the mind has a tendency to interpret as negative.   I have to remind myself that just because I'm in the dark doesn't mean it's not a nice room.  I just don't know where I am.

And that is an uncomfortable place to be for the human ego, which wants Answers!  Goals!  Statistics!  It wants to be a Contender!  I can feel it pestering me for a painting so I Can Be Somebody!  

I have faith that a finished picture can and will come - but only when it wants to.  When I'm not so invested & scared.

Patience.